I originally wrote this on 7/8/10. I hope it helps someone to know they are not alone.......
What's The Point????
Well, I'm in the kitchen trying to get cookies ready for a bake sale for youth camp. For some reason, I'm thinking, "Is this my life now? Instead of doing anything noteworthy for the Kingdom of God, I am reduced to mere baking for youth camp?" I'm telling you, my mind has been reeking havoc on my spirit for the past few weeks. Just an utter feeling of "blaaahhh" all over me! OK, duly noted, I do have quite a stress-filled life I suppose. Married with 8 kids, being not only a full time Mom and wife but a foster mom at that with all that goes with that...instead of going to practice for singing I'm going to a training...started to cry because I was quiet just long enough to realize once again that my Mom is not around so I can just vent. Not have anyone give their opinion or try and "fix it", just vent..
"Suck it up girl, you don't have time for this right now...just drive!"....
So, I'm realizing that it's because just when I think I'm out of the wilderness, I'm not. There have just been times in this barren land where I get a cool drink of water from an oasis here and there...and I'm torn between being thankful for the breaks, and wishing I would never have one so I wouldn't remember what they feel like and miss them so much. And yet, I can see what lies just beyond the horizon. That sweet cool city where I will finally be able to look from the mountain top onto where I have been and go...."Ahhhh, the breeze feels great from up here..." and finally be able to take a deep breath without the heat and sand burning my throat.
Then, I'm thinking about how it's summer time and all the missionaries are making plans to go past their borders to "further the gospel"....having their own bake sales and prayer meetings in order to prepare and raise the funds...."God will make a way!" Yet, many of the same missionaries won't even go 20 miles to pray for someone who hasn't been to church in a month...."I would, but I'm just so busy...planning my mission trip to Africa!"...."Sorry, I just can't afford to come see you." Guess God only provides money for mission trips that cost at least $1500 or more...And heaven forbid someone come to us, "the hands and feet of God" for help.....I'm sure people who are hungry love the prayers, don't get me wrong...but I bet if they are hungry they could use a little food...just saying.
I'm thinking, "Man, if I could, I would do all sorts of things....but instead, I'm baking cookies" Then, it hits me...David. Yeah, David...you know, the one after God's own heart? You remember him. He was over looked by everyone....except God. Samuel didn't think he was king material....his own Dad didn't think he was king material...no one did...just God. His job was to be out in the wilderness with the sheep, don't even bother with him. Don't you know ol' Sam was like, "What LORD???, you got all these fine young men to chose from to be king over your people...and you want this little wimpy kid, David??? Well, if you say so..." So, Samuel anointed David king of all God's people. And you know what David did? Did he take his royal throne and begin to rule with a golden scepter? Was there banners and lights and parades proclaiming his fame to all? Nope...he went back to the sheep...in the wilderness....right back where he was when God called him. David knew he was king...but it was not time to step into that role....the place he was in, the wilderness where God had him...was way to important a place for him to leave just yet. It was a place for his maturing and instruction. If God would have allowed David to take his place as king before it was time....it would have been devastating to David and all involved. It's like God is all knowing and perfect or something, right?!
So, yeah. I guess the wilderness can be lonely at times. It can be hard being in one place knowing the place God is going to take you. And don't the enemy just LOOOVE to mess with your head while you are there?! The voice of the enemy burning and grating your ears and mind like...well, like sand, wouldn't you say??? Yep, there's that sand again. But, there's your sheep...your little sheep you need to bake cookies for so they can go to camp 'cause that just may be the place God will meet them to impact their lives forever. Your sheep that need you to stand guard over them, watching on the wall for the wolves, protecting them in prayer. So, in light of that, you begin to see the "big picture" and ask yourself, "What's your mission? 'Where's your field?" And you begin to realize....you;re in it.
No wonder I'm so tired...I'm in the mission field doing the Father's business! And as I sit on the cliff, watching over my sleeping sheep, I take a deep breath and smell....cookies....
Ahhh, the breeze feels good from up here....
Galatians 6:9-10
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
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